Summary of my 2015.

2015... A life-changing year for me. I chose to change myself. I chose to express my thoughts and feelings through stories.I discovered the 'real' me. I have a mind that works non-stop everyday. Yes, even in my sleep. I tend to over think because of that. But through such thinking, I discovered many things about myself. I realized that I can achieve and handle life on my own. I saw how strong I can be. I became attached to myself. Melbourne was an amazing teacher for me. I learnt to survive on my own without depending on anyone. I enjoyed my freedom and turned my loneliness into something positive. Now I'm back to Malaysia, and I'm feeling empty. I felt happier when I was alone. But now I have to answer everyone, consider everyone's opinion. I'm afraid that I will lose my stand and the decision-making rights. The only thought that constantly runs in my head is 'there goes my freedom'. No more 'me' time. No more sitting in cafes, having coffee and reading my book. But again, I shouldn't let those thoughts conquer my mind. So, after New Year, I'm gonna find ways to have a life which I had back in Melbourne this year. I'm never a person who will have new year resolutions. If I wanna achieve something, I will somehow achieve it. Thus, this new year, I would like to begin my life journey in a different place. I gotta face the reality. I'm no longer a student with a fun part-time job.  Now, I'm woman with good education background and who wants to build a strong career path. It's gonna be a rough and tough journey. I've gone through a lot without much support. This is just another phase of my life. For time being, I can only have my space by sleeping, exercising, and driving. And, I have to be strong enough and not give up!

Think back about this year, keep the good memories and lessons with you, throw away the negative ones. Start a fresh year by not repeating the things that will only end up hurting yourself. Always appreciate the ones who love you and put more effort in maintaining a good relationship. These days appreciation and efforts are hard to find in any relationship. Don't let go the one who was really there for you all the time. Because I learnt that people can be  nice to you when they need something. It is rare to see someone who sticks around without expecting anything in-return. So, if you have anyone like that, keep them close.

Keep loving, sharing and giving. Also, the most important one... Always listen! Listening means a lot. Even if you can't help much, just listen. I kept a lot in me because I had no one to listen to me. So, now I have become a listener. Be one and help those who need it.

Have a beautiful and blessed year ahead :) May 2016 be a better year!

Love is like a classic poem.

I can be categorized as one hopelessly romantic person. I love Nicholas Sparks's stories and always admired 'love'. I would say that love played a major role in shaping my personality and character. Along the way, I've learnt a lot through love. Loving a person requires lots of patience, trust, confidence, and time. Once one of it is gone, that begins to slowly ruin the love and bond between two people. The person I once loved started putting me down to make himself look good, and I tolerated so much because I never wanted to hurt him. Even though I knew that I deserve better, I still tolerated and never wanted to break the relationship. But the moment I woke up and realized, everything became more clearer to me. Always appreciate yourself, and remember that you don't have to put up with anything and everything. Also, never ever love someone because you feel lonely. Not all breakups are bad, some happens for your own goodness. During such hard time, start focusing on yourself, and start loving bits and pieces of yourself. That is what I did. I got myself a part-time job, went out alone and with friends, studied harder, and joined the gym. Slowly, I saw the 'real' me. Heartbreaks are never easy, it is painful and torturous. But time will definitely heal it. Rebounds are not one of the ways to heal a broken heart. You always deserve to be with someone who is gonna love every small thing about you, and you can comfortably be stupid with that person. Past relationships would lead to insecurity and doubts about yourself and your lover. Do open up about it to the other person, and clear it. Such insecurities are not bad, but never let it affect your current relationship. To maintain a beautiful and stable relationship, both side has to equally put effort into working things out. I'm not simply listing all these, but I experienced it and learnt that love must be equal and fair. Bad relationships could also cause depression and anxiety attacks. If the person you love makes you feel depressed, it is time to reconsider that relationship. Also, depression can be hard to understand. So never expect your loved ones to understand it easily. They might not know what's exactly going on with you. So, it is the best to talk to them and tell them what help you need from them. Once I was expecting him to understand my mood swings and depression, but it failed terribly. So nowadays, if I can't handle it by myself, I would just open up about it. Love is never bad or wrong. But often we fall for the wrong person and regret later on. Instead of regretting all the time, use that to fix yourself and love yourself. Most of all, love yourself. Then you would know how to love others and appreciate their love.

Love is like a beautiful and meaningful classic poem, always admire it, treasure it and never try to change it.

In this joyful season, do love more :)