Melbourne- The city that shaped me.

This story is dedicated to Melbourne. I always thought moving out from my comfort zone was a scary act. Well, the truth is... It is scary, but sometimes it creates the most beautiful story. Melbourne made me realize that I'm a strong woman and also, showed me how independent I can be. Apart from new friends, I had no one in that city to rely on. I had to adjust with the new environment, cope with studies and deal with depression. There were times I felt life was unfair, and I pitied myself. Self-pity isn't something good. Thus, I woke up and decided to accept the reality. I accepted that I'm left alone miles away from loved ones. I accepted that only I can cure my depression. I accepted that I can only rely on myself during the darkest times. Along the new journey, I met wonderful people. They made me see how beautiful life can be. For my own goodness, I avoided negativity and stayed away from people who weren't helping me. Studying in one of the world's top universities made me feel blessed. At Monash uni, lecturers saw my capability, and their encouraging words became my motivation. Isn't it amazing to know that you are more worthy and precious when there were people who thought you were not capable of anything? It is truly amazing. Slowly, I started realizing that moving to a new place isn't a bad idea or isn't as scary as it seems to be. It can give you a life-changing experience and turn you into a better person. Dear Melbourne, you will always stay in my heart and will be one of the reasons for my growth in life. You showed me 'the real me'. You showed me that my decisions aren't that bad after all. You showed me that I should do what's best for myself. Now, I guess that's why I would wanna fly higher and travel more. And, I'm ready for the next journey.

Dear readers, 

Never be afraid to fly high. You may fall but you will get up and fly higher.

Have a lovely evening :)

Being sick and feeling depressed?

I've heard about being sick and feeling depressed. But only lately, I started realising how it feels. Since I was about 18, I began complaining about having pain on my left shoulder. Complains went on for years. No one could tell what was wrong with me and why was I having that pain. Then, in 2011, I went for my first MRI and CT-Scan. That's when I got to know that I have scoliosis. But usually scoilosis wouldn't cause much pain. Unfortunately I was suffering with severe shoulder pain. The doctor said that I'm too young to have this condition, and only injection or surgery could correct it. However, it is too risky as I'm young. So, I started depending on painkillers and inflammatory ointment as my shoulder gets swollen. After I left to Melbourne, my pain seemed to get worse, especially during winter. Last year, I consulted three doctors for the pain and took another MRI. This time the MRI results answered the cause of my pain and swelling. But until now, I haven't got a proper solution for it. At times, I feel like giving up. I hardly sleep well because of the pain. I end up taking naps and feeling weak. Every doctor comes up with something new and says one thing until I started googling for solutions. The pain does cause depression. I feel moody, easily irritated. I only feel comfortable only with some people. It is true, physical pain and illness could lead to depression. Till we get a good solution, we can hardly feel better. Somehow we gotta be strong and keep finding for a solution.

So, all I could say is believe in yourself, and take control of your pain and keep fighting. Don't expect anyone to understand what you are going through because it would only lead to disappointment at times.

Good night dear readers :)

The month of love.

February... The month of love... I thought why not celebrate love.... Love can be anything and everything... Mother- son love, Father-daughter love, siblings love, couple love, coffee love, dessert love... Everyone is a lover in some way. The beginning of the year wasn't a great start for me. I was being too emotional, and felt my freedom was taken away. But now thinking about it, I'm actually a freedom lover. New places, new environment kinda brings out the excitement in me. When you begin to discover what you love, life becomes more exciting. When I was upset, all I did was going through my sweet and loved moments. It was a reminder that I'm not a weak person. All we gotta do is find love in every small things that we see or do. It can be a cup of hot vanilla latte, or a picture, or being around the people you love. But we have to understand when we are too caught up with our issues, we won't have the time to think about that love. But somehow we have to think about it, so that we won't lose ourselves to those issues and become weak. My love for travelling has helped me rediscover myself once again. My love for him has helped me realise that love can be tough but beautiful. My love for writing has helped me express my thoughts and feelings. My love for music and arts has helped me calm myself down. My love for coffee has helped me think straight during tough times. My love for my family has helped me achieve the hardest things in life. My love for God and my guru has helped me love myself and others. Love can change a person. Love can change negative thoughts into positive ones. Love makes you a better person. Tough times and issues can't be avoided, but love will be there to give a hand. Now, I'm in love with this very moment where I'm sitting in a classic Indonesian coffee shop and expressing myself through my blog. Embrace every moment of love, and let's welcome the month of love :)

Have an awesome week ahead dear readers :)

The deep dark hole, known as Depression

What can be more torturous that being bugged by your inner voice? It will call you names, it will start destroying your self-esteem. It takes time to realise that depression is a battle. You can win that battle, but that battle can happen again and again. When it happens again, you know exactly what's wrong with you but you are just too tired to fight again. In other people's eyes, they would see us as rude people, arrogant, and good for nothing. Unfortunately, only we know the truth. How much we are suffering and fighting with our own emotions. Slowly, we start distancing ourselves from everyone, we rather be alone in our own space, we feel tired and weak. Also, we lose interest in everything, eating, sleeping becomes a compulsory task. Not that we don't try to distract ourselves, we are just tired to fight it. We try to share with others, but not everyone would understand depression. Sometimes all we want is to go far away. The inner voice would say that 'you are just a burden, no one wants you around'. That's the time you would start believing that inner voice, and you will start seeing yourself as a burden. It is really hurtful when the people around you are happy, and you are just wearing a smiling mask and lying to them that 'yes, I'm happy too'. It's always easy to express yourself through writing than sitting and explaining what's wrong with you. Writing, reading, listening to music, and praying somehow helps to calm you down. Day by day, you will learn that there's no point of expecting others to understand this battle and how you are fighting with it. People are more concerned about other important things and busy with their daily routine. As a depression fighter, you shouldn't be afraid or ashamed to face it again. No matter what, you have to face it by yourself and fight it all over again.

A depression fighter don't need sympathy, all he/she needs is love and care.


Have a good week ahead readers :)