Summary of my 2015.

2015... A life-changing year for me. I chose to change myself. I chose to express my thoughts and feelings through stories.I discovered the 'real' me. I have a mind that works non-stop everyday. Yes, even in my sleep. I tend to over think because of that. But through such thinking, I discovered many things about myself. I realized that I can achieve and handle life on my own. I saw how strong I can be. I became attached to myself. Melbourne was an amazing teacher for me. I learnt to survive on my own without depending on anyone. I enjoyed my freedom and turned my loneliness into something positive. Now I'm back to Malaysia, and I'm feeling empty. I felt happier when I was alone. But now I have to answer everyone, consider everyone's opinion. I'm afraid that I will lose my stand and the decision-making rights. The only thought that constantly runs in my head is 'there goes my freedom'. No more 'me' time. No more sitting in cafes, having coffee and reading my book. But again, I shouldn't let those thoughts conquer my mind. So, after New Year, I'm gonna find ways to have a life which I had back in Melbourne this year. I'm never a person who will have new year resolutions. If I wanna achieve something, I will somehow achieve it. Thus, this new year, I would like to begin my life journey in a different place. I gotta face the reality. I'm no longer a student with a fun part-time job.  Now, I'm woman with good education background and who wants to build a strong career path. It's gonna be a rough and tough journey. I've gone through a lot without much support. This is just another phase of my life. For time being, I can only have my space by sleeping, exercising, and driving. And, I have to be strong enough and not give up!

Think back about this year, keep the good memories and lessons with you, throw away the negative ones. Start a fresh year by not repeating the things that will only end up hurting yourself. Always appreciate the ones who love you and put more effort in maintaining a good relationship. These days appreciation and efforts are hard to find in any relationship. Don't let go the one who was really there for you all the time. Because I learnt that people can be  nice to you when they need something. It is rare to see someone who sticks around without expecting anything in-return. So, if you have anyone like that, keep them close.

Keep loving, sharing and giving. Also, the most important one... Always listen! Listening means a lot. Even if you can't help much, just listen. I kept a lot in me because I had no one to listen to me. So, now I have become a listener. Be one and help those who need it.

Have a beautiful and blessed year ahead :) May 2016 be a better year!

Love is like a classic poem.

I can be categorized as one hopelessly romantic person. I love Nicholas Sparks's stories and always admired 'love'. I would say that love played a major role in shaping my personality and character. Along the way, I've learnt a lot through love. Loving a person requires lots of patience, trust, confidence, and time. Once one of it is gone, that begins to slowly ruin the love and bond between two people. The person I once loved started putting me down to make himself look good, and I tolerated so much because I never wanted to hurt him. Even though I knew that I deserve better, I still tolerated and never wanted to break the relationship. But the moment I woke up and realized, everything became more clearer to me. Always appreciate yourself, and remember that you don't have to put up with anything and everything. Also, never ever love someone because you feel lonely. Not all breakups are bad, some happens for your own goodness. During such hard time, start focusing on yourself, and start loving bits and pieces of yourself. That is what I did. I got myself a part-time job, went out alone and with friends, studied harder, and joined the gym. Slowly, I saw the 'real' me. Heartbreaks are never easy, it is painful and torturous. But time will definitely heal it. Rebounds are not one of the ways to heal a broken heart. You always deserve to be with someone who is gonna love every small thing about you, and you can comfortably be stupid with that person. Past relationships would lead to insecurity and doubts about yourself and your lover. Do open up about it to the other person, and clear it. Such insecurities are not bad, but never let it affect your current relationship. To maintain a beautiful and stable relationship, both side has to equally put effort into working things out. I'm not simply listing all these, but I experienced it and learnt that love must be equal and fair. Bad relationships could also cause depression and anxiety attacks. If the person you love makes you feel depressed, it is time to reconsider that relationship. Also, depression can be hard to understand. So never expect your loved ones to understand it easily. They might not know what's exactly going on with you. So, it is the best to talk to them and tell them what help you need from them. Once I was expecting him to understand my mood swings and depression, but it failed terribly. So nowadays, if I can't handle it by myself, I would just open up about it. Love is never bad or wrong. But often we fall for the wrong person and regret later on. Instead of regretting all the time, use that to fix yourself and love yourself. Most of all, love yourself. Then you would know how to love others and appreciate their love.

Love is like a beautiful and meaningful classic poem, always admire it, treasure it and never try to change it.

In this joyful season, do love more :)

Be Yourself :)

Finally, I have the time to write my story! Here it goes... I was a happy-go-lucky kid. Quite fun type. I enjoyed dancing and singing. I loved entertaining the crowd when we had house parties. But as I grew, I became more quiet, preferred to stay in my own comfort zone with few of my selected loved ones. I gradually stopped being myself. Until now, I can't figure out why I stopped being myself. Was it because of depression? Or was I worried about what others were talking about me? People always say that kids are naive, and pure. Well, I think it is because they are being themselves. They do what they like without hurting anyone else. But as we grow up, we start being someone else to please others. We start faking everything, from a smile to the way we live. I always pleased others without thinking because I never wanted to hurt them. I do get annoyed and frustrated. At the same time, I can't go on without helping them. Sometimes, it's not worth-it, but yet we do it. The more I stopped being myself, the more I felt empty, anxious, lost and depressed. I often felt that I was good for nothing, and there was no point of living this life. It definitely took me years to realize that I have a beautiful life, and I should start being myself in order to live my life. Now, slowly I do whatever I like, I try to smile a lot. I talk to strangers, smile at them, spend more time understanding myself. Whenever I accomplish something, I give myself a small treat. It is to show that I love being myself and I respect that. I won't say that I don't get anxious or depressed at all. I still do. Whenever I fall into that dark hole, I will remind myself to fight back and find a way to get out of it. It is not easy, but if you love yourself, then you have to do it. Until now, I'm a Disney kid. Never stopped being one. And, that's me. There are people who label me as a 'grown kid'. I used to be sad. But not anymore. I just feel sad for them as they are not being themselves. Remember, don't lose yourself for others. It is good to change, but never forget to be yourself. Being yourself will boost your self-esteem, and strength. Be yourself, and you will know how beautiful you can be :)

Have a lovely night! And a great week readers :D

The 'Naina Talwar' in me :)

It was a busy week & finally, I have some time to write! Have you guys ever wondered 'Hey, his or her character is like mine' while watching a movie? I do, but then I will ignore it as it is just a fictional character. But last week, after watching 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Dewaani' again, I saw some similar characteristics of mine in Naina Talwar's character. Yes, I'm an introvert like her. Only those who are close to me would know my fun side. When I'm alone or surrounded by new people, I'm a total introvert. Being a Mass Comm student, being an introvert isn't a very good thing! Luckily, I'm not the extreme introvert type. She also values her family and the few close friends she has. I don't have much friends as well. I have few but amazing ones :) And, family is my first love. She has great value for love and relationship. I'm an old-school girl when it comes to love. I value love a lot. She loves traveling and she is a very simple girl. In many ways, I'm a simple girl. Never an adventurous girl. It is because I'm afraid of speed, and height! But early this year, I hiked the 'Hanging Rock', and reached its peak. It was one of my biggest achievements :) Roaming around beautiful streets, and discovering new places has always been in me. I was able to see her character in a more personal manner because I started discovering my personality. Before this, I never really understood myself, and my personality. After seeing her character, I realized being an introvert isn't that bad at all. All you have to do is balance it, and don't forget to have fun! I'm sure every person would be able to feel a fictional character like how I did after so long. Even though they are fictional, sometimes they tend to deliver a specific message that only we would understand. So, do not ignore that message. Do discover yourself, your passion, your interests, your flaws, and you will start seeing things more clearly. I would always embrace the 'Naina Talwar' in me :)

Have a lovely evening readers :) And, get pumped up for another wonderful week!

The Tiny Torturous "Anxiety" Monster

I don't know how to explain or define anxiety in a proper medical term. But I know how it would feel and how it can bother one's mind. At times, I get anxiety attacks. Sometimes it will last for few hours and sometimes for days. I would feel worthless, cry a lot, stay in bed and starve. That tiny monster will whisper saying 'You are useless', 'You won't achieve anything', and 'No one likes you'. I do struggle to breathe, and can't stop crying. It is torturous. I won't feel like talking to anyone, or don't feel like going out. However, earlier this year, after suffering with anxiety attack for two days, I decided to get up and face it. So, I got ready, went to a coffee shop, and started writing down my fears and the possible ways to overcome it. Trust me, it helped. Also, I opened up to a good friend, and he suggested few things that helped me a lot. Whenever you feel like having an anxiety attack, try your best to fight it by doing the things you like. Try not to stay alone like what I did. I ended up hurting myself more. Chat or talk to someone you are close to. It will definitely help. By locking yourself in a room and crying would only hurt you more. And never do that to yourself. I also started reading more books, and that helped me to reduce anxiety. Instead of staying in my room, I spent more time at uni, and gym. Being alone is good once in awhile, but it is not advisable to be alone when you feel down. Do not be ashamed of opening up to a reliable person. You are helping yourself by opening up. Do not be afraid of what they will say or think. Someone who really loves you, will definitely be a good listener :) So, get up, fight and chase that tiny monster away! Till now, I do get anxiety attacks, but I always remind myself to fight it. It is okay to cry and let it out. But do fight it back. Everyone is worth-it and they are special to someone.

Enjoy the weekend my dear readers :) And have a beautiful night!

The power of your words!

I was never physically abused. But I was often the victim of verbal abuse. That made me into a sensitive girl, who was short-tempered and had low self-esteem. I did not know how to defend myself, and I took their words seriously. I had relatives who always looked down upon my ability and talents. I had friends who assumed I was a weak person, and old-fashioned girl. People often criticized me for my dressing sense, my body image, and my old-school personality. All I did was wear a fake smiling mask, but deep inside those criticisms were hurting me badly . Slowly, I used my plus-points as my strength, and used it to build my confidence. I also had good friends that made me feel worth-it. Well, it took me a while to realize that those who criticized and condemned my ability had their own flaws. No one is perfect. No one should be looked down because they have certain weaknesses. And, never boost your self-esteem by putting others down. After gaining that realization, I began to respect others more, appreciate their strength, and was always careful with the choice of my words. Do remember even a simple joke can hurt someone who is silently going through a tough time. Always think of their situation before giving any remarks. I'm not perfect, sometimes I do say things out of anger and frustration. But after I calm down, I do realize that I've made a huge mistake. So, nowadays I would only talk or reply once I calm down. That way, we would not hurt ourselves and others. If someone is a plus-sized person, do not make fun of them. You may never know how hard they are trying to lose weight. Instead, encourage them and share useful information about exercises, or dietary plan. If someone is weak in their studies, do not call them 'stupid' or 'good for nothing'. Instead teach them and help them. You cannot take back your words or remarks. So, be wise when you talk to someone. Always be considerate when it comes to others. Be loving and see how you can boost someone's self-esteem!

Have a beautiful night my dear readers :)

The Time when I was a Complete Mess!

At one point of our lives, we tend to be a complete mess... I was like that...A complete mess! I gave up on everything, including singing (something that I love the most), I felt worthless, I felt that I was never good enough for myself. Whenever I face a problem, I felt that God was unfair to me, and he was picking on me. Back then, I failed to realize that He was teaching me to see the bright side of those problems. I loved whining about being all alone in Australia. But today, that loneliness has made this mess into an independent woman. I have learnt to accept my loneliness, and handle things by myself. Instead of whining, I should have took some time to think about how to handle this loneliness. But whining is part of the process. I used to be upset for not having friends around me, and being away from family was another pain. I forgot to be a friend to myself. Once I started spending some quality time with myself, I started seeing things positively. I stopped being upset about not having much friends. Things were not right when I was a mess. Slowly when I began to clear that mess, better things came to me. Do not worry about being a mess. In order to be a strong and happy person, I believe that you have to be a mess! Not doing anything about it must be your only worry. I would always write down my flaws and what are the ways to fix it. Maybe you guys could try it as well. It is very helpful. Sharing with a reliable friend or loved one is also a good step. Such people will be honest about it. It is never too late to fix your mess. So, do not regret, do not worry, and start fixing up that mess :)

Hope you guys had a good weekend! And have a lovely week ahead :D

Good night readers!

B for Beauty!

B for beauty... I grew up thinking beauty is just based on your physical appearance. But beauty is beyond that. And, it took me years to realize that. Beauty is in everything. Beauty is in a homeless guy's street art. Beauty is in a baby's smile. Beauty is in a person's sincere thanks. As I assumed beauty is just looks, I failed to realize that I also have my own beauty. At the age of 24, now I know that physical beauty will fade away anytime. But a beautiful heart and personality will last forever. After realizing that, I started seeing things in a different perspective. I started to admire a tiny yellow flower's beauty. I began to compliment people when something in them seems to be beautiful. Every individual is beautiful in their own way. Never forget that, and always embrace that beauty :) When everyone starts realizing that, we would see Mother Teresa as Miss World, as she was the most beautiful woman in the world, who fed the poor and loved everyone genuinely. Do not ever call yourself 'ugly', because no one is ugly. You may have the most beautiful smile, which I may not have. B for Be yourself and you will be the most beautiful person! 

Start embracing your beauty and keep smiling :)

Have a good night and wonderful weekend readers! 

Back to writing!

It's been months since I published my journey's story. Well, I took some time off to fix myself. And, throughout that period, I realized and learnt a lot of things. Last year, when I came here, I felt like I made a huge mistake by coming here. But now, I realize that if I didn't come here, I would not be writing and sharing my life journey with you guys. My life journey became more interesting after I took this big step!
While fixing myself, I discovered my passion, my interest, and my personality. Remember, it is never too late to fix yourself. You will face lots of challenges, and troubles along the way. Just keep going! It is not easy, but at the same time, it is not impossible. I experienced it, and I'm still experiencing it. Every single day is a new challenge for me. But I take a moment to see how a small challenge can shape my personality, and my strength. Now, I'm happily on-board to write and share my journey with all of you readers :)

Glad to be back!

Good night readers :)

PART I: The First Few Months of My Journey

Adjusting in a new place will take some time. I had to adjust to the weather, food, new environment, strangers, and different education system. I had a pretty tough time adjusting to everything. My health wasn't in a good condition, and winter made it worse. Wearing layers of clothes was something unusual for me.  Scarfs, gloves, sweaters... and the list goes on. If you are going to live in a cold country, do dress accordingly, and keep yourself warm all the time. Falling sick in a new place can be a pain. Well, I went through it, and I had a hard time recovering. So, do take care of yourself!

Making new friends was a big challenge for me. I was alone most of the time, and looking for friends. It happens. Don't feel miserable! Just be patient, and talk to everyone that you meet. Someone will become your friend. That's how I met my friends. It took time, but I met the right ones.

 Even KL seemed very far from my hometown during my undergrad days...hahaha... So, Aussie seemed like the 'Kingdom of Far Far Away'. Far from family, and far from best friends. Being away for festivals, and missing family functions were new to me. During such times, I felt lonely and miserable. Don't feel bad if you feel so. It is normal. Remember, we are still learning. When you feel so, just do whatever that will make you feel better. Perhaps, a coffee or ice cream would help you feel better, or shopping! For me, a good cup of hot cappuccino makes me feel better. Maintaining that 'better' or 'happy' feeling isn't that easy. So, always occupy yourself to maintain that mood or feeling. Go out, explore the city, read books, watch a movie, and more!

More to come in Part II: The First Few Months of My Journey 

Good Night Readers :)

Chapter One: The Beginning of my Journey...

Every journey has its beginning. I was a tiny bird that never wanted to fly out of my nest. I did not want to leave my comfort zone. My biggest fear was flying high, and reaching the skies. But my dream was to explore life. I only had two choices, give up on my dream or face the fear and work towards my dream. Well, I chose to face my fear of flying high, and exploring life. So, I flew all the way to Australia. Years back, I was given this opportunity when I was finishing my undergrad. But I was stubborn and said 'NO'. Of course, I was too scared to leave my 'nest'. As I said, every journey has its beginning. So after three years, I finally had the guts to accept the offer, fly to Australia, and pursue my postgrad.

Deep inside, everyone has this fear that I had. Break that fear, face it. It is not easy, but it is better than regretting for not doing it later on. Remember nothing is easy. However the moment you face it, everything will be easier. I did regret coming here, but somehow I started learning a lot about life and people. Journey is a great teacher! Australia is the beginning of my journey. My journey will continue, and no matter how hard it gets, I will not quit!

If you have a journey waiting out there, go for it! Never miss that opportunity, and never quit.

More stories to come!